


talk me down

by lvecean



Series: Break Me Down, Build Me Up [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Galaxy Garrison, Hurt, I Ship It, I just wanted to give this lil piece of angst to you, I'LL COME BACK TO EDIT THIS, M/M, NOW EDITTED YAY, Shadam, does this count as spoilers?, idk man, or how I pictured it, sorrynotsorry, this is sad...but the truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 17:57:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15370143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvecean/pseuds/lvecean
Summary: Limbs tangled and splayed out across the sheets of their bed, Shiro’s long fingers gently caressing his hair. Adam had raised his head - mind still only half functional - and asked: “We’re gonna get married one day, aren’t we?”Like there really wasn’t much of on option besides the fact that they were. Takashi had smiled down at him, eyes lidded from fatigue and satisfaction. Adam had laid there as his boyfriend slowly took in his features, mapping them in his head. Slowly, Shiro had nodded his head, smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.“Yes,” he’d said, “I suppose we are.”





	talk me down

**Author's Note:**

> HEYO I read all the tweets about SDCC and honestly? Fuck Europe. Anyways, I fucking lost it when I read the tweet about Shiro's "significant other." THIS IS THE LGBT+ REP WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. But, what I understood from other tweets, Lauren said that they parted because of Shiro's mission. This is how I pictured it. Oh, I saw things going around about Shiro having some desease? I don't know if it's true, but I used it here. 
> 
> It's literally 3 AM right now and I REALLY should be sleeping, but I wanted to publish this before I woke up. I'll come back to edit the shit out of this in the morning (aka, in four hours mklsdkf). But, have fun, I guess. 
> 
> Lots of love <33

Footsteps thudded softly, patting lightly over the carpeted hallway on the other side of the door. No, not the ones he was waiting for.

The next pair of feet only appeared a few minutes later, the person was stamping, loud thuds that seemed to shake the doors as whoever it was angrily stomped by. The angry person was followed by hurried shuffles. Someone possibly trying to catch up with them. Adam snickered to himself, it came out nervous and stuttering. But no, that were not the footsteps he was familiar with.

Adam rubbed his fists against his closed eyes, glasses pushed up to his forehead awkwardly. His head was tilted back, leaning against the back of the couch as he waited. Barely able to suppress the occasional yawn and the urge to snuggle into the soft blanket draped over the couch’s armrest.

He had to wait. And so he continued laying there half asleep, ears perking up at every pair of feet that walked past the door. He was slowly dozing off, consciousness running thinner and thinner, when a pair of feet - soft, but deliberate steps that could only belong to one person - stopped in front of the door.

The young man shot up from the couch as a key slid into the lock. It turned slowly, and a hand appeared on the side of the door to open it as quietly as possible. And from behind the metal door, appeared a broad set of shoulders, clad in the grey Garrison uniform. That god-awful haircut the man somehow managed to pull off.

Adam bit his lip, clenching and unclenching his fists in nervousness as his boyfriend slowly closed the door and turned around. His eyes widened as he noticed Adam’s silent form standing in the middle of their small Garrison-sized apartment. But, to the man’s credits, he did not let out a sound.

Shiro rubbed his eyes and approached his boyfriend, shoulders sagging down in fatigue. A long, deep sigh escaped his lips. He looked up as he stood right in front of Adam. Those grey eyes never failed to pull the smaller man into their depths.

Adam stood, unmoving, waiting to guide Takashi in whatever he needed. But that did not get rid of his nerves. His toes curled in his shoes as the silence dragged on. Slowly he raised his hands, possibly to swipe his boyfriend’s bangs out of his face, but the movement seemed to remind Shiro that moving was still a possibility, and the man promptly dropped his face in the crook of Adam’s neck.

It couldn’t have been very comfortable, with the high collar of both’s uniforms, but Shiro seemed to immediately calm down as he inhaled the smaller man’s scent. “You always smell so good,” he muttered, voice barely audible where his mouth pressed against Adam’s soft skin.

Adam chuckled, arms winding around Shiro’s waist as he finally felt himself relaxing a bit. He pressed his nose to Shiro’s hair, the dark locks tickling against his face. But he ignored it in favor of basking in the familiar shampoo’s scent.

The smaller of the two didn’t grant them a long cuddle session, knowing all too well how those tended to end, and pulled away before one of them could get sleepy. Shiro’s eyes were closed and his brows furrowed. Adam smiled softly at the sight of it and traced the curve of his boyfriend’s eyebrow with his index finger, straightening out the wrinkles.

“Hey,” he whispered, but stopped after that.

There was a conversation to be held - a big one - but neither of them was ready to face the consequences it could have. Adam’s heart clenched in his chest and he closed his eyes again as he pressed his lips to Takashi’s forehead. The reality of their situation only now dawned on him: Shiro could be _leaving._ Going to space had been his dream since… for ever, really. But, Adam wondered, was it worth it? Taking the risk - especially in Shiro’s condition - and to leave not only Adam but their future behind?

After all, it had only been two weeks ago that they’d had the big talk. Limbs tangled and splayed out across the sheets of their bed, Shiro’s long fingers gently caressing his hair. Adam had raised his head - mind still only half functional - and asked: “We’re gonna get married one day, aren’t we?”

Like there really wasn’t much of on option besides the fact that they were. Takashi had smiled down at him, eyes lidded from fatigue and satisfaction. Adam had laid there as his boyfriend slowly took in his features, mapping them in his head. Slowly, Shiro had nodded his head, smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Yes,” he’d said, “I suppose we are.”

And that was that. They’d tightened their embrace and fallen asleep to the sound of their lover’s beating heart.

But it was only now - with Shiro’s possible leaving so very close - that Adam could feel his heart sinking. That the true weight of the action sunk down on him. The realization only hit him now: if Shiro left, he’d take their future with him.

With a sudden-found courage, Adam lifted his head. The sharp movement caught Shiro’s attention and the man raised his head from where it was still safely tucked into his lover’s neck.

“Takashi,” Adam said, voice soft but firm, as he slid his hands from Shiro’s waist and took a step back, “we need to talk.” His eyebrows were furrowed as he looked up at his boyfriend’s blank face.

Shiro always had been a responsible man - facing the consequences of his actions without much complaint - but it was now that Adam could see how much he did not want to deal with these consequences. There was a small part in Adam himself that wanted to wrap them both up in a warm blanket, and ignore those consequences until they couldn’t be ignored anymore. 

Not once in his four years of knowing the man had Adam ever seen him seem this small. Shoulders slumped down, head bowed as his gaze was fixed to the floor. But he nodded his head and slowly lowered himself onto the couch. The leather huffed under the newly-added weight, the sound loud in the almost deafening silence.

“I know,” Shiro said after a silence too long. “I know. I just- Don’t want to.” The chuckle that escaped his lips was so… _sad_ , the sound alone was enough to have Adam want to crouch down and caress his boyfriend’s face in his hands. But he stayed strong - like he was trained to do - and didn’t show an emotion aside from the small wrinkle in his eyebrows. He wondered how long he could keep the act up before he broke. 

Shiro looked up at him with those honest grey eyes. They were sad, remorseful, almost. But they also seemed prepared, like he had already made up his mind and had braced himself for whatever was next to come.

When the man made no move to break the silence, Adam did it for him. “So,” his emotionless exterior crumbled a bit at his voice crack, and he folded his arms in front of his chest, “what did Iverson say?” _Are you leaving me - us - behind?_

Shiro shook his head slowly. His elbows leaned on his knees as he buried his head in his hands. But he stayed quiet.

“That’s not an answer, Takashi.” Adam’s voice was soft, kind, but stern, ready to lash out and protect.

He gave his boyfriend a moment to collect himself, ordering his thoughts and forming words. Shiro did not meet his eyes when he dropped his hands. “He… gave me the mission.” Still staring down at the floor. “And I accepted it.” At this he looked up.

Technically, the words had reached him. Caught by his ears and deciphered by his brains. But it was only when those _honest_ and _sad_ grey eyes met his, that the true implication of the words settled in. _He was leaving._

Adam swallowed down a sob threatening to leave his lips, and tightened his hold around himself. “Oh,” he said, own gaze dropping to his feet.

“Yeah.” Shiro’s voice cracked, too. “They paired me up with the Holts. You know them, Matthew and Samuel.” He coughed in his hand, still avoiding his boyfriend’s gaze. “We’re planned to leave coming December.”

“December,” Adam said. “That’s just four months.” He could feel his throat closing up, making it hard to get any words past.

Shiro nodded. “We’re set on a tough training but,” a small smile appeared on Takashi’s features, “they’re confident.”

Of course they were confident. Shiro was one hell of a pilot, everyone knew that. And for the Holts, ‘genius’ seemed to run in the family. Adam didn’t doubt their capability, but there were other factors to take into consideration.

A small part of his sorrow got replaced by something else. Something fiery, sparked by his annoyance with the Garrison. Their way of approaching Shiro in their famous we’re-only-interested-in-your-use mindset. They didn’t care about families, about future plans, boyfriends. And apparently, they didn’t care about fatal diseases.

He could feel the spark growing, slowly, for now.

His eyes met Shiro’s and he could see that he other man had been preparing himself _exactly_ for what was about to come.

“Of course they’re confident, Shiro,” Adam started, words sharper than they’d been before. “You’re all crazy talented and perfect for the mission.” He took a moment to observe the effect these words had on the Exploration Pilot in front of him. “But,” his voice dropped, “what about me? Us?”

Shiro rose to his feet, eyes trained on Adam’s, gaze heavy with so many emotions it was impossible to decipher them. “This changes _nothing_ , Adam. I’ll be gone for… a year, they think.” He took a step closer to his boyfriend. “We’ll still be us when I get back, _nothing changes_. It just… delays it a bit.”

Tears pressed to his eyes, wanting to spill but Adam did not let them. “And what if… something goes wrong? You could _die_ out there, ‘Kashi.” The man flinched away from his boyfriend’s comforting touch, ignoring the look of hurt that crossed Shiro’s face.

“Yeah, well,” Shiro scratched the back of his neck almost awkwardly, “I could die out here too.” A sad chuckle escaped him. It did not land well with Adam.

He could feel that fiery emotion take over, making him want to _throw_ something. “It’s not funny, Shiro! It’s so not funny.” Adam glared at his boyfriend. “You… you’re already on a time-limit, you know that. Don’t go looking for danger.” His words were sharp, almost vicious.

Shiro’s eyes widened at the sudden change in Adam’s demeanor. “I- I’m not-”

“But you are,” Adam snapped at him. Angry tears welled in his eyes and he blink profusely to get them to _go the fuck away._ “You’re not _thinking._ And it- it pisses me off, Shiro!” 

The bigger man was silent, arms folded over his chest as he listened.

“Think about us for a moment - about _me_ .” His voice was cracking. “ _If_ , you make it back, then what? You get three more years to live? Until your organs literally _stop working_ , Takashi.” A sob worked its way past his lips. He could see Shiro twist to comfort him but he flinched away once again. “I’ll lose you after only a few years. I don’t- I don’t think I can handle that.” He looked up at his boyfriend, almost angrily wiping his tears away, only to see Shiro in much the same state.

Tears were welling in his eyes, too, but the grey irises were hard, sympathy just beneath the surface, but cold on the outside. “That’s not how it works, Adam. You know that.” The man frowned, a habit he had whenever something was difficult, or just tiring. “It’s- my life is short, _I know_ , and I have to make the best of it.”

This only made Adam’s heart ache more. He choked on another sob. “And that’s not with me?” he asked, voice small and wavering with the pressure of emotions.

“I-” Shiro looked so conflicted. Eyes shooting around the room, but he’d made his decision, Adam knew. “I’m sorry. I have to do this.” He sniffed again, wiping his nose on the edge of his uniform. “It’s my only chance.”

“Get out.” His voice was ice cold, eyes much the same as they looked up at Shiro’s pleading one. They shot to the door for a millisecond before settling on Shiro again. “Get out, Shiro.” He wasn’t angry - that’d come - just so _tired_.

Takashi just blinked at him. Not understanding - or not _wanting to_ understand - what was happening. “Adam, please, I-”

“No, Shiro! Get out,” Adam raised his voice, he was shouting now. Hot, angry tears streaming down his cheeks, leaving wet trails. “Leave me alone.” His voice broke again.

“I love you, Adam, _please_ -” Shiro was pleading him. With his eyes, voice, whole body, to let him stay.

Adam pressed his eyes shut, tilting his head away from Shiro. “Don’t say that,” he said softly. “We’re done, I’m breaking up with you.” He shook his head, more to himself than Shiro.

Takashi’s eyes widened and a strangled sound escaped his throat. “No, _no,_ please. _Please,_ Adam. I-” He tangled his fingers in his hair frustratedly. Looking for a solution that didn’t exist. “It’s my only _chance._ Can’t you understand?”

 _“Choose,_ Shiro!” Another sob heaved through him, making his entire body shake. “You- you have to choose.” His arms wrapped tightly around his own waist, preparing for the rejection that was about to come. “It’s me or the mission.”

What followed were the most nerve-wrecking minutes of Adam’s life. Shiro didn’t move, and neither did he. They stood, frozen in the moment, brains racing to find a solution - _any_ solution.

But in the end, there wasn’t one.

“I’m… so sorry, Adam,” Shiro said, eyes shut tightly and lips pressed together. “It’s my only chance.”

And slowly, he turned around. Soft but deliberate steps on the carpeted floor. Adam didn’t look up, stared at the floor between his own two feet instead. The door opened and the footsteps stopped.

“You know that I love you, right?” Shiro said. And his voice was so… _broken._ Hollow of any life it had previously had.

Adam stayed silent. He didn’t give the other man any indication that he’d heard him. Only after a few moments of silence did he lift his head. Levelling his now ex-boyfriend’s gaze with a hard glare. “I know,” was all he said.

Shiro nodded. And after a moment he opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but he turned around and softly closed the door.

Part of Adam - the ugly part - wanted him to slam it shut so _hard_ , that Adam could yell at him for it. He wanted to yell, scream, trash and tear. Instead, he fell down to his knees, hitting the familiar carpet of a shared apartment, and he cried. Tears flowing down his cheeks, dropping from his chin, falling down onto the floor soundlessly. Sobs wracked his body with grief of what he’d lost. _His future._ Who he’d lost.

_The love of his life._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave thoughts about this story, theories for season seven, or random keyboard smashed in the comments! 
> 
> (other things are welcome too of course lol)
> 
> I'm drunk off sleepiness. Is that a thing? It probably isn't. OK bye.


End file.
